27 Plans to Destroy Sasuke Uchiha
by xHateful
Summary: AU SasuSaku//In which Sakura schemes 27 plans to destroy the beautiful Uchiha Sasuke;Will She succeed?Or will she get more then she bargained for? Let PLAN A COMMENCE!"Sometimes Sakura your too Imature//Rated M,to be safe.
1. Chapter 1

**STANDARD DISCLAIMER:**I own absolutely nothing but the plot!

Tear Tear;

r&r

_**

* * *

**_

**_Your so stuuupiddd Sasuke-kun_**

"Ughhhh.....Come here quick!"

"Hn"

"Damn it Uchiha I swear I'll kill you with my-"

"Hn,minature height?"

"Super nerdy Intelligence?" Naruto piped in.

"No you idiots,MY NINJA SKILLS!"

"...."

"Che,annoying"

Sakura Growled.

* * *

****

_Not the ramen YOU IDIOT...NOT THE RAMEN_

"Your not getting away with it,Sakura-chan"

...

"Your moms not getting away with it!"

****

_10 minutes later;_

A huff was heard from the pink haired green eyed girl.

Standing up from her pretty pink desk she walked towards her blonde hair,blue eyed cousin.

Who was glued to her tv,laying on her pretty ruffled pink sheet's bed,and playing the newest FINALFANTASY video game,on HER playstation 3.

Staring at him,her face darkened.

"Ne,Sakura-chan....what are you staring at,and move I can't see the T.V"

An acussing finger popped up.

"YOU....are friends with the ogling bastard"

Naruto blinked.

"So....you shall help me with his DESTRUCTION!"

A small fist was pumped into the air.

"HUZZAH!" the pink haired girl was engulfed in her divine scheming world.

Naruto blinked once again,before leaving her and the video game.

Running for his life.

* * *

_**HN.**_

_dingdong dingdong dingdong dingdongdingdong!!!!;_

"Can you get that for me Sasuke, dear"His mother's voice rang throughout the household.

Giving a smal sigh,he stood up;making his way to the door.

Opening it casually,he rose an eyebrow;when he caught sight of the small brown paper bag lit on fire.

He heard snickers coming from the bushes. Leaving the door open,he walked back inside.

The snickers stopped abruptly.

"Where's he going"A whisper was heard.

"Shhhh Naruto!"

The onyx gorgeous perfection creation of a man appeared once more with a fire extinguisher in his hands.

Extinguishing the paper bag,he sighed. Picking the bag from the tip,he threw it at the bushes.

Walking inside he closed the door gently.

...

.......

"EWWWW NARUTO! YOUR COVERED IN DOG POO!!!!"

A bubble gum haired girl ran way in fright.

* * *

****

_SUPERCALIFRAGALISTICEXPEEALADOUGHSHES PLAN B!_

"Ow…Ow!"

"Hush. I'm almost finished."

"It hurts."

"Don't be a pansy, take it like a man."

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Sasuke rose an eyebrow. What lengths would these two go to,to confirm his destruction?

"Stop squirming!" Sakura huffed,removing her bangs from her eyes.

Sasuke fixed the bag that stayed over his shoulder,his uniform shirt scrunched up from Soccer practice.

Sasuke continued eavesdropping. Watching Sakura attentively,he gave the tiniest insy winsy blush,when he saw Sakura's skirt hitch up,when she reached over Naruto's shoulder.

He swore he stop breathing. Naruto had noticed. His face grew pale as he stared at his cousin's creamy bare long legs. He stop squirming.

"Very good"Sakura beamed as she continued with her work.

Disliking the fact that Naruto was ogling at his own cousin,he cleared his throat.

"....NOOOOOOO!" Sakura stomped the floor and threw the head of the costume at Sasuke.

Sasuke caught it,turned it around to look at the face and immediately let go of it,walking out of the classroom really quickly.

......

"Wow Sakura-chan...You were right. Teme is afraid of teletubbies"Naruto beamed and Sakura huffed,punching him in the nose.

"THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!" Sakura growled.

"ME?!" Naruto yelled back,pointing a purple finger at himself,and using his other hand to cover his hurt nose.

Here he was dressed up as one of the purple teletubbies and she was blaming _him._

"YES YOU! I don't know what you did,but it was your fault!" She growled and stomped away angrily.

Leaving a purple teletubby with a bleeding nose that was producing a massive bruise.

* * *

__

THE**MOST**AMAZING**PLAN**IN**THE**ENTIRE**UNIVERSE**BECAUSE**I**SAID**SO**AND**BECAUSE**SASUKE**-**KUN**IS**A**BASTARD**IN**ALL**50**STATES**INCLUDING**HAWAII AKA PLAN C**

...Again? He gave a sigh as he saw Sakura,in all her glory,Sneaking something in his locker.

Raising herself on her tippytoes,because she was so short,she could not reach the top shelf.

The white School uniform shirt with the schools maroon emblem shirt stuck to her like a second skin.

"What are you doing _leprechaun_"He asked as he closed her in.

She was blushing as she quickly closed the locker.

"NOTHHHHING!" She swore as she raised her hand in a joking matter

A perfect eyebrow raised itself up. She snickered as he opened his locker.

"I'm surprised you reached the top shelf"He said smirking,as her fist balled and her pretty face turned red.

"WHY YOU INSEN-"

"Hn. Your spanish book is up there"He said smirking. Her jaw drop,fist unclenched and he swore he saw her tearing.

She had prepared the best scheme ever,that pretty colorful sparkling delightful treat she had smeared on,what she thought were,his books

was now perpetually on hers. He smirked as he stepped aside from his locker,making room for her to reach.

She groaned as she took her Chocolate,peanut butter bananna orange smoothie covered book.

Her spanish teacher was going to murder her.

* * *

__

THE**NEVER**ENDING**MYSTERIES**OF**SAKURA**HARUNO**AND**HER**MOST**ELOQUENT**PLAN**EVER! **AKA Plan D**

RINNNNNGGG!

He ignored it. Munching on a fry,he continued reading his book,_ANTI-SOCIAL FOR DUMMIES_,while his annoyingstupidknucklehead of a bestfriend kept talking to him.

"And then I was like NO WAY and she was like YES WAY and we were like GET OUT OF OUR WAY and she was like-"

RINNNNNNNNG!

"Teme,I think you should answer that"Naruto stated in-a-matter-of-fact tone.

Sasuke's vein popped. Did he not understand. Sakura was nowhere to be found,and she ALWAYS sat with them at lunch time.

RINNNNNNNNNNNNG!

He gave an exasperated sigh as he reached for his phone. Looking at the caller-id he smirked. _Sakura_.

"Hello"He said in a cool voice.

"Seven days"

"Where are you Sakura?"He asked,with a smirk.

He heard her make static sound effects.

"Seven days"

He rolled his eyes before he answered.

"Ino says to get out of the girls bathroom,or she'll call Kurenai"

"DAMNIT PIG OH SHI-"

The line had disconnected.

* * *

THE**PLANS**OF**ALL**MASTER**PLANS AKA PLAN E**

His pen tapped lightly on his desk. Trying to remember what the hell PEMDAS meant.

He gave a frustrated grunt as he rolled his eyes. A knock on his door startled him.

"Hn"He grunted as Naruto walked in,a grin plastered on his face.

"What is it dobe"He asked,somewhat bothered by his presence.

"Nothinnnggg,can't a good friend just visit his best friend?"He asked giving him a mock glare.

Sasuke said nothing.

"Sooooo,what are you planning to do to get back at Sakura,for all of those pranks"

So that's what he was doing here. Suddenly a shinny earring on Naruto's ear caught his attention.

He realized what they were up to,Sakura had implanted a small video camera on his earring. He knew Naruto to well,and he knew he _**never EVER**_ wore shiny jewelry.

And all to suddenly,Sasuke Uchiha realized,he had become paranoid.

He let his eyes travel back to Naruto's. He smirked.

"I'm going to kiss her"

Naruto choked. And poor little pink haired Sakura,turned as red as a beat and began choking on her smoothie.

"And then,I'm going to ask her out...and this will all be done **2nd **period,after art. "He said as he stood and grabbed Naruto by his arm and pushed him out of the bedroom.

Smirking all the way,he shut the door on Naruto's face.

Naruto looked flustered,as he removed his earring. Looking at it,he blushed.

"Well Sakura-chan...you've met your match"

* * *

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	2. Chapter 2

Read Author's Note Below.

**Disclaimer:**I own nothing but the plot of this story.

* * *

CONTINUATION OF THE**PLANS**OF**ALL**MASTER**PLANS AKA PLAN E**

Sakura was mad.

She was angry. She was going to get her (small pudgy) fingers on her idiotic cousin and that stupid anti-social chicken head.

UGHHHH that stupid hippo knew she did not have a date to prom and was going to make a fool out of her 2nd period.

And even though the idea was so (undeniably cute and sexy and all she wanted to do was kiss him and make her hers) Vile,she would give him one back.

Ohhhh how she knew plan E was going to work.

Now if only she could get her hands on her mothers brand new shiny tampons.

* * *

He mumbled inchoerent words as he walked the empty hallways of Konoha high.

There was no way,that he was here before Sakura. That innocent cute little peep squeak,that had set her life on destroying his.

She was always here _earlier_,so that she could impress the teachers. Stupid teachers pet.

Walking to his locker,He carefully inspected it. Making sure there were no pranks or any kind of ambush implanted in it.

Giving a nod approvingly he placed his books on the top shelf,fishing into his back pocket he took out Sakura's diary.

In case,she insisted on covering his books with,god knows what. He took off his blazer and placed it in side the locker.

Dusting of his button-up white shirt,he fixed his maroon tie. Suddenly he heard footsteps andturned around to face the pinkette,who was holding out an oversize blue paper.

_**Blue prints.**_ He viciously thought.

He sneered,when he heard her mumbling to herself,oblivious to the fact that Sasuke Uchiha was looking at her intensively.

Or... maybe not.

"Your here early"She said as she hid the blue prints in her bag. Her hair was partially up and her School uniform was neatly ironed.

Her green emerald eyes held a mischievous glint,and that pretty curve on her lips made her look irresistible.

"No. Your here late"He said as he turned back to his locker.

She gave a huff as she opened the lockers next to him.

"Well if you must know-"

an indigent snort.

"I don't have to"

A glare from the Rosette.

"I was up all night long,looking on line for my prom dress,and so I woke up late"

He rose an eyebrow. She seemed giddy about something. He gave her his usual response.

"...."

"Stupid moron"She muttered under breath.

"Hn. Where's Naruto" He said turning to look at her.

"How should I know where my cousin is hm? Its not like we liv-"

"I didn't ask for a life story,midget" He said turning back to his locker,searching for something

"OY,I AM NOT A MIDGET!" Sakura fumed.

"You are in 12 states"

"UGHHH! YOUR IMPOSSIBLE"

"Hn."

"YOUR RETARGET!"

"...."He gave her a confused look.

"Don't you mean retarded?" He asked at the fuming girl.

"I KNOW WHAT I SAID!"

"Che."

"YOU IMPOSSIBLE JERK!"

"Yes we cleared that." He said as he continued to search his locker.

"Ughh WHY AREN'T YOU LOOKING AT ME,HUH?!? Is the almighty Uchiha to godly for him to look at th-"

She was cut off by his lips crashing onto hers.

She yelped as he pulled back,her face turning red.

Watching her blush made him chuckle darkly as he shoved a white paper in her hands.

Closing his locker he walked away. Two books in his hands he left poor little red Sakura to figure it out.

Opening the letter Sakura read the neat curssive writing that belonged to anti-social jerk.

**Naruto never wears shiny jewelry,**

**Your timing is off.**

**SasukeU.**

She blinked three times.

He really was going to kiss her. Well... he did.

That damn bastard had planned everything out.

....

"NARUTO!!!!"

* * *

"So.. the objects that are smaller,look like they are farther away,or you can always do over lapping wh-"The art teacher was cut off.

"ANKO! SASUKE-KUN THREW PAINT ON MY PRETTY HELLO KITTY PEN!"

"Now,Sakura dear,I'm sure he didn't do it on purpos-"The Anko sweat dropped.

"YES HE DID. I SAW IT WITH MY OWN EYESSS!"

"Hn."

"TEME! LEAVE MY COUSIN ALONE!" Narutogrowled,from the seat behind.

"Ah"

"AHHHHH CLEAN MY HELLO KITTY PEN!"

"....Erm...Sakura dear I think you should settle dow-"

"SETTLE DOWN....SETTLE DOWN?!?! DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT THIS IS A ONE-OF-A-KIND PEN!"

"Then how come everyone has one?" The Uchiha grumbled.

"NU-UH! EVERYONE ELSE'S HAS BLACK EYES MINES HAD GREEN!"

"You colored it with a sharpie,idiot"

The class was filled with snickers.

"TEME!"

"SHUTUP! ALL THREE OF YOU! I've had enough. Detention all three of you. NOW FINISH YOUR WORK!" Anko growled as she sat back at her desk and began working on her paper work.

"This is all your fualt"Sakura whispered. Furiously painting on her canvas.

"Hn"He muttered as he began to sketch.

"PSSST,Hey teme,psst"

"NARUTO SHUT UP! DETENTION NEXT WEEK!"

Naruto groaned.

Sakura grinned. Phase one was complete.

* * *

"Sakura-san.... If you don't mind me asking... Why are you and Naruto-kunalways having fights with Uchiha-san?" The very timid girl asked.

Sakura's eyes sparkled.

"You know Hinata-san... you really pretty. Your hair is SOOOO shiny and smooth andyour so pretty with you eyes an-"

"Sakura-san... your avoiding the question aren't you?" The viloeteyed girl asked. Blushing with the comments Sakura had said.

"Well Hinata... It all started when...."

**Flashback**

_"HEY PINKY PASS THE BALL!"_

_.......gasp!_

_He had not just called her pinky._

_He was a dead man walking._

_The pinky stared at the ball. Slowly bending down her small arms gripped the ball tight._

_STOP,_

_PLEASE YOU GORGEOUS GOD STOP!_

_The little girls were crying and the little boys were grinning._

_One less competitor in their territory._

_She twitched. Pinky? Really? Last time she checked,her pinky was on her hand._

_She groweled,picking up the orange black basketball,that covered her entire body,she stared at it with anger._

_"YEA THAT ONE,NOW THROW IT HERE LITTLE ONE!"_

_........NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!_

_Little one? Little one? Really? She cleared her throat. Turning around he met his onxy eyes._

_His dark hair blew withthe wind,and Sakurafelt like she was staring into one of those commericals,where he is the hero._

_She puked inwardly. This was gonna be good._

_"LISTEN HERE YOU FATSO! YOU HAVE COOTIES ON YOUR FACE! AND YOUR MOM PROBABLY USES YOUR BLUBBER INSTEAD OF WHALES FOR HER LIP GLOSS!"_

_Woah. She has a big voice._

_... Wait._

_Did.....did he just sob?_

_Nonononononono_

_He's CRYING. OH NO! Sakura-chan what have you done to the gorgeous munchikinbavariancremedounught?_

_"HA! THATS WHAT YOU GET,YOU UGLY BIRD BUTT HAIR!"_

_Who's the blonde kid with the blue eyes._

_Sakura glared. Another model? Really?_

_"Hey! Hey YOU! With the pretty pink hair!"_

_She turned to meet his blue eyes._

_"What?"_

_"Whats you name? Mines Naruto."_

_"Sakura"_

_Suddenly two small arms covered her small five year old figure._

_"Your my HERO! Sasuke-bird butt NEVER cries. But you made him cry"_

_She grinned. SUCCESS!_

_"HELLLLOO! You guys are MEANIES!" Sasukeshouted from the background._

_Poor kid. He craved attention to much._

_Tch._

_"PFFFFT! WELL.......YOUR HAIR IS MEANIE!"_

_"THAT MAKES NO SENSE!"_

_"IT DOES"_

_"IT DOES NOT!"_

_"YEA UH!" little Sakura piped in._

_"Shutup short PONY!" Sasuke retorted_

_GASP!_

_"No way Jose."_

_"FROM THIS DAY FORWARD I SHALL DESTROY YOUR LIFE!" Sakura growled_

_"ME TOO! BELIVE IT YEAH!" Naruto grinned._

_Sasuke groaned._

**_End Flashback_**

"We were 5 back then,but me and Naruto have stick to our promises" Sakura said proudly.

"Really? Wow....and you guys are 16 now? Isn't that sorta immature"

.....

"NOOOOOOOOOO."

Sticking her tounge out she stomped her way into class.

Hinata blinked. Giving a sigh she walked towards her class.

* * *

Sasuke looked around,making sure nothing was wrong with the class.

No Sakura..... No Naruto and no traps.

Good.

He sighed as he entered the room,placing his books on a desk and resting his arms and head upon it.

He was tired. His eyes shifted and slowly began to close.

He would sleep....for a little while. Just 3 minutes. No more,No less.

And suddenly Sasuke Uchiha had escaped to oblivion.

Snicker.

No you idiot,not the candy bar. The laughing noise!

Our favorite Rosette tip toes into the room.

She snickered again. Holding out her moms tampon(because she rather use pads),her green cool eyes gave a mischievous glint.

Swallowing her joy,she turned to glance at the sleeping Uchiha.

Here goe-

Sakura's face suddenly tunred blue.

OH NO!

SHES CHOKING!

On what you ask? Well her snicker's bar of course (which the author has no ownership of).

Oh my,NO DON'T COUGH.

Making violent hand movements,her small pudgy hands reached her throat.

She let out the most puniest cough ever.

COUGH!

Onyx eyes snapped opened,to find the most peculiar scene ever.

The pinkette,bending over,one hand on his desk and the other one her throat,exaggerating and making gagging noises.

Her pink locks cascading down,as she heaved dramatically.

He grumbled as his hand latched on to her small arm.

It wasn't his fault really.

Here he was walking up from a 1 minute nap to find his puzzling crush,choking on what seemed to be air.

"What. Are. You. Doing. "He grounded out. Sakura'shead shot up,smiling she hid the tampon behind her back and smiled.

"Nothing really. You?" She asked,beaming at the now awake Uchiha.

"mfskhd"He responded,his speech still groggy.

"hm?" She asked,nearing the young boy.

"Listen SasukeI can't comprehend your cave man speec-"

A pair of lips shut her up.

Tongues meshing together and the tampon falling out of her hand,was the only thing she remembered.

The kiss was chaste and before she knew it,Sasuke had stood from his desk. Straightening himself up,he walked passed her,picking up the  
white tampon. Throwing it in the trash,he sighed.

"I'll pick you up at 7 on prom night"He huffed out as,he slouched his way out of the room. Sakura beamed,nodding her head at his retreting back,that was until she noticed a minor defect.

HE THREW HER TAMPON OUT! Oh no. And she couldn't get another one,for if she did her mother would notice.

And there would be a celebration at the Haruno Manor. Why you ask?

Well,because,using a tampon would mean,sweet little Sakura has lost her Virginity.

And that was the only thing Mrs. Haruno strives for in life,that and the new Chanel bag(In which the author,also has no ownership of).

Oh well. The plan was still on,she would just make Naruto steal some from his mother,and sneak past their uncle.

Easy as pie.

But then again,Sakura hated pie.

* * *

Reading this over,I made myself laugh.

I was so young,so inexperienced with writing,when I wrote this.

All I did is fix grammer,which was HORRIBLE.

A BIG HUG TO BittingxLove who found my other account,where I have my new and very improved stories.

**ACTUALLY**

I find it funny,that those who flame me on my old stories on THIS account,send me applause's and adoration speeches on my newer stories  
on my other account.

Watch who you flame buddies :)

THE SECOND ONE TO FIND MY NEW ACCOUNT,gets a chapter dedicated to.

I know,I know its not much right? WELL sorry. I really can't send money to strangers xD

LoveLove&Sex


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